97% sure someone posted this at some point, but I think it’s been a while… ⊙⁠﹏⁠⊙

  • SuperNovaStar@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    4·
    5 months ago

    I can make this easier, at least for anyone interacting with me:

    If you’re reading this, you - yes, you - have my full and explicit permission to compliment me, flirt with me, or ask me out. I am extremely good at saying no if needed and promise not to be offended if you make the first move.

    Also you’re cute 😘

    • haidbz@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
      2·
      5 months ago

      Okay, so let me rebut this point for point:

      1. Permission doesn’t help when I don’t know how
      2. I’m terrified that you’ll say no, so that doesn’t help either
      3. Wha- I’m not cute! You’re cute! Wait, no, I mean… Sh-shut up!
      • SuperNovaStar@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
        2·
        5 months ago

        1. You’ve already done it, see point 3

        2. How can I say no when I’ve already said yes? At least to the initial conversation anyways

        3. If you don’t think you’re cute, prove it 😘 Send me a picture of you, I bet you’re cute af

    • Steamymoomilk@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
      2·
      5 months ago

      Is it bad that i kinda read this like a llm preprompt? Except for people, and to be honest im kinda here for it. I kinda feel bad for bothering people, and this “preprompt” kinda opens the door for conversation

      • SuperNovaStar@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
        2·
        5 months ago

        I kinda feel bad for bothering people, and this “preprompt” kinda opens the door for conversation

        That’s the idea! :)

        I’m glad it’s working, I was worried it wouldn’t. Bystander effect and all that.

      • Opisek@lemmy.worldEnglish
        0·
        5 months ago

        I wish people would just write clear and detailed LLM prompts when they want something from me.

        • Steamymoomilk@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
          1·
          5 months ago

          I just imagine a black mirror esq morning.

          “I wake from my slumber, forlorn from my bed. The lights slowly rise from pitch black to light, i walk over to my smart mirror. Where my AI greets me, “good morning, your preprompt for today is (your name is bob saget, live on 4681 road, your favorite color is blue you work at a car dealership and you are the best salesman” the time is 4:30am mr.saget you must arive by 5:00 if you are to keep your very busy schedule. Good luck bob and have a pleasant day.” The conveyor belt turn on slowly and methodically moving me to my automobile and i leave for work.

    • recklessengagement@lemmy.worldEnglish
      2·
      5 months ago

      That’s quite kind of you. And interestingly, despite you clearly communicating an open invitation for interaction, I still encounter internal resistance, almost like a reflex… which suggests it is still very much a personal issue, and not a cultural one.

      Thank you for this moment of reflection, mysterious internet person.

  • HollowNaught@lemmy.worldEnglish
    2·
    5 months ago

    One time we were having drinks at a local pub because a coworker was leaving the job and moving into the city for a different job/uni

    I (fairly drunk) told her that, since I’m in the city a fair bit because of uni, I’d be happy to help her if she needed anything

    Fast forward to the next morning and I’m waking up realising that it probably looked like I was hitting on her, when I just wanted to be helpful

    So yeah it’s those moments that make me not want to make the first step (even if the intention was different)

  • recklessengagement@lemmy.worldEnglish
    2·
    5 months ago

    This. I’d rather die alone than risk even the slightest possibility of making someone else uncomfortable.

    why yes I am in therapy how did you know

    • BigDiction@lemmy.worldEnglish
      2·
      5 months ago

      Yeah the fear of imposing on someone. There are plenty of assholes, but lots of perfectly nice people just communicate what they want/need/feel and it’s okay. Not just talking about dating.

      Then whenever you take your risk and do it, and get rejected, you retreat back to try it again in 6 months.

      Edit: I have zero problem and welcome people being honest, and adjust accordingly. But when I try to do that it rarely works the same way. Could just be how I communicate, but it is a struggle.

    • fuckwit_mcbumcrumble@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish
      1·
      5 months ago

      That’s what I thought until I shot my shot and missed, until the redirected it back onto themselves.

      IDK, sometimes you just gotta be a little naughty and see how they react. Maybe they’ll be just like you and take it right on their face.

    • LePoisson@lemmy.worldEnglish
      1·
      5 months ago

      I think the thing that makes people uncomfortable in this kind of scenario is if you don’t stop when they ask you to. Or you just refuse to take no for an answer. But our species would cease existing if nobody ever was made uncomfortable at some point by flirting because everyone’s lines and desires are on a spectrum. You can say the exact same thing the same way to two different folks and one will turn around and slap you for it and the other will get on their knees for you. Humans are weird.

  • zzx@lemmy.worldEnglish
    2·
    5 months ago

    I feel this hard. I always feel like I’m imposing myself on everyone. I’m non binary but masc presenting (even though I don’t necessarily like that, it’s just my default hardware), and like, I hate that the onus is on me to initiate, because I HATE IT

  • peoplebeproblems@midwest.socialEnglish
    2·
    5 months ago

    99% sure that’s pretty normal for healthy minded people, men, women, trans, non-binary etc.

    Making the first move is taking a risk: aka being vulnerable. It’s when they don’t respond enthusiastically and you don’t stop that it’s a problem.

    • apotheotic (she/her)@beehaw.orgEnglish
      1·
      5 months ago

      It is normal to feel some degree of trepidation when taking a risk: aka being vulnerable, but I don’t think its a stretch of the imagination to assert that it might be more stressful if you don’t have a firm grasp of neurotypical social graces and nonverbal communication.

      As an autistic person, what has worked quite well for me, though takes getting used to, is very transparently communicating about intentions and consent. It can seem quite intense but it does mean everyone knows where they stand and where boundaries lie.

  • djsoren19@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    2·
    5 months ago

    This is why, despite everything wrong with them, I prefer using dating sites. As long as everyone knows that the communal goal is flirting, it feels a little bit less like I’m bothering them and more like I’m entertaining them.

  • AItoothbrush@lemmy.zipEnglish
    1·
    5 months ago

    Im not fem and i feel like this so many times. What i fear most, much more than rejection is overstepping social lines. Also if youre a woman pls make the first move, its extremely hot if the guy is a switch i can tell you that lol.

    • Shou@lemmy.worldEnglish
      1·
      5 months ago

      Fr. I wish I was into men. Making the first move as a woman is so goddamn easy. Sure, rejection is scary, but that’s it.

      I shall stand at the sidelines and encourage my female friends to 1) communicate and work on their issues and 2) go after that hairy man’s ass.

  • haera@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    1·
    5 months ago

    so me… accelerated by the fact i’m asexual and most of my romantic interests r also asexual. i feel weird for wanting to express love chat 🥀🥀

  • shani66@ani.socialEnglish
    1·
    5 months ago

    Once you get passed the mask my default mode of interaction is flirting! Still too shy to be actually vulnerable tho.