This is going to sound like and excuse, but the ghost of Hitler pour lemonade in my gas tank.
Also: I can’t go because the cricket team is having a nervous breakdown.
Commonwealth’s peeps tell me I’d this isn’t just a normal state of affairs? Something along the lines of Hockey players getting into fights, and American footballers having concussions?
Get this: The Pope gave me syphilis
If I tell them a high school marching band gave me syphilis, I’ll end up in prison.
Don’t worry, it’s sitcom rules so everyone involved was 18 for some reason. It doesn’t make it a lot better, true, but it does make it not a felony.
I got it from Dan Rather…
Or just tell them why your car isn’t working:
This is going to sound crazy but my high school marching band just shit the bed.
no my high school marching band had a reputation for shitting beds. they hired a dude with ibs just to make sure they could get all the beds they needed shat
I was minding my own business and Boom! my nephew gave me syphilis.
This is going to sound crazy but the ghost of Hitler died in front of me.
I know youre going to hate me, but the ghost of hitler posted my nudes on instagram
I know you’re going to hate me, but the kid from air Bud gave me syphilis
… I do not like this game
It’s like I don’t even know you
… I’ll take the antibiotics
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Please forgive my absence, my Tinder date found my box of human teeth.
Get this, a high school marching band stabbed me.
Et tu, tromboner?
I feel terrible but a sad clown died in front of me.
Doesn’t track. One less clown in the world, why feel terrible? (/s if it’s not obvious).
Don’t judge me:
It wasn’t the last one
/s
Is the “punchline” to that type of saying about a demographic you don’t like, with the added implication of why you’re doing something else that night.
Please forgive my absence, a professional cricket team stole my bicycle…
This is going to sound like an excuse, but Dan Rather found my box of human teeth 😬
Get this: the kid from Airbud stabbed me
I was minding my own business and boom! My Tinder date poured lemonade in my gas tank
So, will there be a second date?
