• haui@lemmygrad.ml
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    3 months ago

    Uhm… I have been excluded from all kinds of activities since a very young age.

    It has caused harsh loneliness and a lack of self esteem.

    Then I gave up on people and decided to join the dark side. I used my considerable brain power to enrich myself and those who worked with and for me.

    Two things I learned from that:

    • no matter your abilities, one moment of inattentiveness and you are dead (at least financially)
    • money does not make you happy

    From that I searched for a new meaning in life and ultimately arrived at marxism which helped me understand why I was excluded in school and kindergarden, why i turned to the oppressor class and why that isnt even smart for the person oppressing others.

    This helped me deal with being lonely. Dont get me wrong, i still face loneliness sometimes but i cope with it a lot better because i can always help people understand shit and learn from them too. Being in peer groups over extended periods is just not my destiny, materially speaking.

    • Spectre@lemmy.mlOP
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      3 months ago

      What conclusion did you arrive as to why you were excluded in school and kindergarden?

      • haui@lemmygrad.ml
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        3 months ago

        An amalgamation of incompatibilities which are my material circumstances:

        • mixed migrant family
        • strong abuse cycles in said family
        • weak theory of mind and social empathy, strong mirror neurons
        • exceptional reasoning and associative thinking skills but bad memory
        • no real gender appropriate mentor (in my case, no father figure)
        • extraversion

        Can you imagine how that is a cruel cocktail?

          • haui@lemmygrad.ml
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            3 months ago

            Oh, no. I didnt mean mixed skincolor but mixed as in two different so a hugely different culture on my end.

            Therefore, racism was definitely a factor but not colorism. My parents also didnt teach me proper cultural awareness so the situation was the perfect clusterfuck.