I’ve had lots of encounters with those Christian crazies. They tried to convert me twice.

We are presently on course for the 二分之一 timeline.

In that one, some aliens arrive in the 2030s. They noticed our cruelty and debauchery, and informed us that our extinction will come at our own hands if we continue. The elites of the world laugh this off, and lock the aliens up on some island so their autotroph nature can be studied instead.

Fast forward to the 2060s. COVID has returned, killing more people than ever before. This is on top of the ongoing nuclear civil war in the US, and nuclear devastation elsewhere. With most of the elites dead or hiding in a bunker, many of the people who survived asked the aliens for help. The aliens agreed.

This resulted in a conflict between our present world and a world that appears to be a mix between Fahrenheit 451 and Brave New World, supported by the alien followers. The aliens are genuinely, fully willing to give you free healthcare, a long life (people supporting the aliens can live for 200 years), and a life free of worry or suffering (an alien will replace most of your organs when you join, allowing the alien to handle many of your basic needs, like food). The only thing the alien faction asks for in exchange is tossing out human culture - your favorite books, movies, games, etc are all gone, replaced by materials accepted by the aliens.

The alien faction ultimately won by the turn of the 22nd century. The surviving elites tried their hardest to get rid of them, but failed. Instead, the aliens continued to rule the human race unopposed until the close of the 27th century.

But of course! The reporter dared to question the will of God. You see, God saw that wickedness had infiltrated the land of Texas, so he commanded the waves to rise, and strike this stronghold of debauchery! A functional warning system would interfere with God’s Plan for those people. But the wise men running our nation decided to wait until God’s Holy Work was completed, so as to not incur God’s mighty wrath upon themselves! Praise to our most benevolent and merciful LORD!

And yes, this is evangelical roleplay. Sometimes I do it too well.

Many issues would also be solved by breaking into empty homes and placing anti-zombie traps outside your new real estate.

Gather round, my pilgrims. The mighty LORD came to her in a vision, and informed her that God sent the hurricane to destroy the wicked, like Sodom and Gomorrah. And so, the LORD ordered her to withhold rescue until God’s Punishment has fully swept through the land, purging evildoers wherever they hide from the LORD’s holy light. Only the faithful will be spared by the LORD. Hallelujah!

Oh uh, and I’m joking with this comment. Sometimes my roleplay is too good for some folks.

Fapping is enough for God to send you to Hell, apparently.

“What are you in for?”

“Mass murder. I blew up 20-30 people before the cops gunned me down. You?”

“I burst after playing one of those Japanese video games.”

Oh that’s easy. Trump claims that many more would have died if it wasn’t for his “wise” leadership. It doesn’t matter how many die; he can always claim that more would be dead.

Absolutely. The US has made major advancements in how to inflict pain. In fact, if you’re someone who gets certain urges about deconstructing people, you will now find it even easier to let those urges out by joining one of our law enforcement institutions.

America is a paradise for individuals who want to hurt people, and hear their screams. It isn’t as good for everyone else.

Because every job that doesn’t pay minimum wage requires a college degree. So the universities know that you need to pay up if you’re looking to stay off the streets in your 20s.

They must pray to the LORD for salvation! The faithful know that God will bless worthy Texans with miracles!

My first job shoved me into a tiny room that’s maybe 10 C hotter than the rest of the office. Anyone who wandered in would go “Wow it’s really hot in here! You guys should talk to building management!”. I swear the damn office nearly gave me heat stroke.

Get off chromium and maybe I’ll consider you.

Americans who work for the government can compete with European levels of time off.

The poor souls who work in the private sector are the ones who don’t get any vacation time.

My first job allowed 5 days of time off a year. Sick and actual vacation were a part of those 5 days. To the people still working there, I imagine they actually would consider a full week off retirement.

And it steals hours from your life.

If I need to go there, I use the LibRedirect extension. Read-only reddit is good enough for my needs.