As a woman, I’ve always been kinda jealous of a man’s ability to just piss wherever, whenever. I mean, they do make these, but I’ve never used one because it kinda seems like you piss in there and it it’ll just end up all over your entire yoni, which just sounds like a mess.

My parents let me watch this when it came out. I was 8. RIP cartoon shoe.

I use it on my phone for text messages, but I’ve realized that over the years, I’m starting to forget how to spell some words. I should probably stop using it to reprogram my brain.

At my old government job, we had a fax machine because it “couldn’t be hacked”, so we would only accept certain documents via fax. Is this true? I have no idea. It was even more questionable when we switched the fax line to digital and received all the faxes via a software program on computers. Is THAT “un-hackable” too? No clue.

As a woman, you couldn’t PAY ME to have a baby, you NEVER could. You know that shit in A Handmaid’s Tale where they send the women who are too old to have kids out to work the fields until they die? Sign me up, because I’d rather be dead than bring a child into this world that has gotten only more and more fucked up as I’ve been alive. I always say, I love *my *children so much that I refuse to give them life on Earth.

I like all of these except capers. I eat olives and pickles regularly.

We have a spigot in the kitchen that only puts out boiling-hot water, so I use that. If that’s not working, I’d just boil it in a pan on the stove.