Hello OP,

I hear ya eh, having an emotionally exhausting workday and working through trauma at the same time is really tough. I’ve had similar experiences. I really relate to feeling confident with your ability to do work which make the tasks themselves not feeling challenging, but everything all together feels like a massive hurdle. For me especially as it relates to my coworkers and customers.

I definitely can’t relate 1 to 1, and what’s helped, so far, might not be right for you. But here’s some of the things that helped me.

Movement

 Any exercise you can muster or able to do. If you're not sure plan small and start even smaller. I'm lucky I have a bit of exercise equipment and it can get boring so I always line up some music or a show or even a game I could play while doing it. If no one is around I'll get some music and dance like an idiot.

Small goals where you can be like “oh ya I did that, sweet”

I got plants! So far they're alive, but they need a lil taking care of. I've got a decent number of em and a diversity where I know I basically should be doing one thing a day. When done, yay! Lil thing I did. You might also try getting into a low stakes hobby (to try and ditch if you don't like).

Respecting my own labour

I remind myself that I work for myself and not (really) the massive corporation. I'm totally contributing to their massive wealth but I'm building a resume, savings, or maybe earning to care for a dependent. Whatever you would work for that's why you work. It can help take a little pride in the effort, even if the end result of the effort might not be what you're hoping for. Take all the vacay and sick days they give too, at minimum. A lot of places do not offer anywhere near enough.

Routines of human body maintenance

One of the things that I try to be better at as much as possible is taking care of the large bipedal mammal that I am. I've gotten into the habit of making sure I'm hydrated first thing in the morning, eat some fruit everyday. Some regular grooming, the exercise, daily shower. But as important as the physical stuff, some of the brain stuff too. I'll carve out some time to read a book or play a video game that I've been itching to do (I went to the library today). Try to socialize if that's your jazz (this post is me trying that right now). Engage with things you like for no one else's sake but your own. 

It’s worked best for me to have some of these routines be daily, but some of them are biweekly. I’ve kinda developed a little tracking system with an agenda. I’ll give myself 1-3 (max 3) goals for the day. But I will also write down the things I’ve done that I’d find worth noting either while procrastinating the goals or in between them.

You mentioned panic attacks, I have those too, at first I thought I was like ill. But after therapy and learning grounding techniques, breathing exercises, closing my eyes if I can. Something like noticing and resting control of a panic attack before it gets way bad would be something I’d note as part of my daily list of “stuff done.”

Anyways, sorry for the wall of text. Hope any of it helps,

Cheers!

I just have a few good vibes media I’ve been running into.

Podcasts I’ve been listening to the catalogs for Boonta Vista & Guys. Both are pretty pleasant riffs based. Loads of good laughs to be had Although not for the prudish I’d say.

In terms of shows it’s just been the Fallout show and the bitter sweet last season of Queer Eye. Both of those have been hitting the sweet spot.

I’ve been listening to some funny podcasts that make me laugh.

I have a little greenhouse for some plants over the winter and they’re happy.

I’ve got small personal goals for myself I’ve been making progress on.

Specific text formats make me smile for some weird reason.

I’ll pet the pets for a bit and I’ll get a smile.

A couple of shows I like have been in the rotation.

I’ve had some better than expected interactions with people, looking back on those makes me smile.

Aww jeez I guess typing out what makes me smile makes me smile, well done OP.

Now I’m scowling sarcasticlly.

It made me laugh, but I could understand it feeling like an issue if you’re trying to get something more serious across.

That being said, I don’t find it super off putting at all.

I gave in my “accommodations” form with regard to our new hybrid work policy yesterday in an effort to dodge ever having to go into the office. I’ve been working from home for 4 years and they want me into the office for 2 days out of the week.

It’s expensive, The public transport in my area is infamous at best and the drive is even worse. The office is old and cold. Otherwise, very nice to visit on a day off or something if no one is there and you need to grab a free coffee and just happen to be around. There’s only one spot with one type of chair. ^them the reasons I would not want to go to the office at all. I don’t need to, they keep telling me my work is more than just fine.

I spoke with a lawyer (oh man), they said I shouldn’t refuse like I wanted to because of reasons specific to the labour laws. So I filled it out and then didn’t send it in for like a week. I was stressed about it the whole week but I FINALLY SENT IT IN!

The YouTube with ad block sounds like the best option if there is a way to easily import the playlists to Youtube’s playlist feature. I might consider a new account dedicated solely to music. SO can take advantage of the algorithms suggests for discovery (When it’s not trying to grift them).

I’m actually curious, do you know of a good way of migrating playlists to YouTube?