Too often there is this separation we invent where misogyny is a ubiquitous tool of patriarchy while misandry is somehow separate. This becomes so intense that many are not even able to admit that misandry is even theoretically possible, and even if it’s undeniable it is still seen as highly irrelevant to patriarchy.
But misandry does advance patriarchy and it is a force that intensifies misogyny.
Consider homophobia. This is an obvious case where misandry advances heretopatriarchy. Certain men can entrench their status through an infrastructure of hatred against homosexual men that can be accessed by nearly everyone else as well.
Consider transphobia. Another obvious realm where misandry is at play. Trans men are shown hatred in ways that are unique to the experience of cis men, and these experiences drive cis heteronormativity.
Consider how our actions and ideas impact the world. If we live in denial of misandry we live in denial of patriarchy. Denying misandry does not make you a quality feminist. It does not make you theoretically sound. Hating men just gets in the way of challenging patriarchy.
Consider how misandry enforces gender roles. Misandrous discourse functions to discipline people. When misandry is denied, there is almost always an element of “you have to man up, because women are weak.” The narrative is familiar; women are subjected to patriarchal violence and are thus too hysterical to have sound or reasonable options about men, thus, men must internalize misandrous attitudes out of sheer emotional intelligence and masculine willpower. The men who fail to do this are weak, unable to maintain a rational, stoic attitude and are thus lesser, unmasculine men. Men who can master their performance of masculinity in a self-denying or sacrificial way will benefits from misandry but will certainly be thoroughly disciplined by it.
Women, other non men genders,and queer communities often play a role in policing masculinity for patriarchy which may obfuscate the patriarchal power at play. This ultimately reinforces misogyny by haphazardly enforcing binaries, devaluing feminity, and promoting a supremacist view of masculinity.
Let me paint a situation. Imagine a comedian making a joke about their trans wife; that she removed the worst part of her–being a man. Everyone laughs in support of trans women and implicitly they laugh AT trans men and cis men. Next joke is about how stupid bisexual women are for dating men, how they make the queer community worse.
Now imagine you are a man who wants a little clarity in life. How should you feel about such language which is clearly both misandrous and misogynistic? How should you feel that it is directed at you, as a man? I’ll tell you:
You should feel safe because you are a man. If you don’t feel safe it’s because you are a weak man, incapable of performing.
Yes, patriarchy hurts men too, despite their immense material privilege compared to other genders. Giving detailed descriptions of this hurt is valuable and I think certainly welcome. Searching for ways to address it is valid. But no, pushing the term “misandry” is not an effective way to organize against patriarchy.
Materially, patriarchy grows out of the divide between paid productive labor und unpaid reproductive labor(reproducing the ability to work). Can you see how those are not equal? How there is an inherent divide in power? Ultimately, this division alienates all of us and only serves to divide the working class. So of course the capitalist class is the only class that has an interest in holding up patriarchy.
But men are offered a bribe: endure the exploitation at work, bury your emotions, renounce your claim to be beautiful and unconditionally valuable in order to be only useful forevermore. Until your not anymore. Useful for generating profit. And in turn you’re king at home. You earn and you own. You command other genders and “lower” men and enjoy countless little benefits in turn for committing daily violence against everyone but the ruling class, including violence against yourself. It’s not that men exist independently and then are offered such a deal, but rather by being offered this deal, they are created and defined as men. Other genders are not defined materially by being offered a deal to become essentially class traitors.
And yes, even though men commit most of the violence necessary to uphold and enforce this structure, women and others can use it too to advance in the hierarchy. But men must face and acknowledge and reject their privilege first in order to allow vulnerability and begin to heal. This is an essential part of class consciousness. Organizing our struggle around “Misandry” as a term obfuscates the brutal reality of patriarchy. It falsely implies a structural bias against men that’s independent of and contrary to misogyny and the larger patriarchal structure.
Use “patriarchal violence” as a term instead. Feminism will liberate all genders (and non-genders) in the end. Fighting patriarchy united is what class solidarity looks like.
Obligatory link to “The Will to Change” by Bell Hooks
Men can reject it all they want, but they still have the privilege, just as I do because of my skin tone.
Yes, they’ll have it until we defeat patriarchy and establish communism. But rejecting it now helps on the way.
Especially healing, because it’s in stages. We have to heal ourselves to heal families -> community -> states -> world -> environment
Even as someone who possesses just about every privileged trait that a person can have in society (besides wealth), its still so much more freeing to recognize material reality for what it is and allow yourself to just be human and vulnerable.