I’m sorry you had to go through this and hope you can feel safe here again. It’s not easy to deal with a feeling of being pushed into a corner. I’d like to point out that there seems to have been some consensus on giving you the benefit of the doubt, you haven’t been down-voted after all. Personally I had a bad feeling about that first comment, but wasn’t sure enough to comment.
Communication can be really hard, especially if all you have is words, especially when writing to strangers… I’m often very anxious myself about how to write, it’s even in my profile, kinda like a safety net, in case I fuck up. €: Don’t mean to imply you fucked up - it’s been a misunderstanding!
because such validation would in turn invalidate all non-conforming identities
I wasn’t entirely clear there myself. I’d think the bigoted part of our society would likely use this to invalidate everyone who is non-binary.
I’d like to point out that there seems to have been some consensus on giving you the benefit of the doubt, you haven’t been down-voted after all.
I’m on blahaj, so I wouldn’t see downvotes anyway (they’re not federated)
Personally I had a bad feeling about that first comment, but wasn’t sure enough to comment.
I hear you, I guess it’s fair to be wary when it seems like someone is implying enbyphobia, and when I re-read my comment I can see that possibility more clearly (which is part of why I felt it was good to delete my comment - it wasn’t really contributing much anyway).
I think from my end it felt so out of left field and unnecessary, what makes it feel like bad faith is how aggressive it felt, and how disconnected it felt from my original comments.
I’d think the bigoted part of our society would likely use this to invalidate everyone who is non-binary.
I really dislike when the trans community attacks itself as if this is all a zero sum game; on the one hand it feels like “transmedicalists” want to claim that healthcare will be taken away from people who have dysphoria and need medical transition if we open the gate to enbies or other gender diverse people, and on the other side it feels sometimes like binary trans identity is increasingly viewed with suspicion and treated as a kind of betrayal of a subversive, beyond-the-binary trans identity (as if being non-binary is the ideal response to transphobia, and not just a natural category). On the one hand is respectability politics, and on the other hand is counter-cultural separatism. Both can be bad, and neither are necessary.
In the end I don’t think passing trans people being more acceptable actually invalidates non-binary identity, that validation won’t change the fact those bigots are going to reject non-binary identities that are non-conforming … that is, the blame really belongs on the bigots and their bigotry, not on the trans people who receive less hate for being more conformist.
All this to be said, yeah, I dunno - feeling a bit alienated rn - maybe I should just take a break until I’m not sick with the flu and my brain isn’t mush … that would probably help me write things that don’t make people so upset.
I’m on blahaj, so I wouldn’t see downvotes anyway (they’re not federated)
Huh, wasn’t aware, good to know.
Well, you’ve definitely thought about all that for way more than I have, I’m still pretty new to this journey. I do feel a strong desire to pass at some point, but I’m not sure what to make of it at this time.
the blame really belongs on the bigots and their bigotry
That’s something we can absolutely agree on and shouldn’t forget. We are in this together.
I hope you get well soon and wish you the best. And if you’d like, I’ll leave you a virtual hug 🫂.
I’m sorry you had to go through this and hope you can feel safe here again. It’s not easy to deal with a feeling of being pushed into a corner. I’d like to point out that there seems to have been some consensus on giving you the benefit of the doubt, you haven’t been down-voted after all. Personally I had a bad feeling about that first comment, but wasn’t sure enough to comment.
Communication can be really hard, especially if all you have is words, especially when writing to strangers… I’m often very anxious myself about how to write, it’s even in my profile, kinda like a safety net, in case I fuck up. €: Don’t mean to imply you fucked up - it’s been a misunderstanding!
I wasn’t entirely clear there myself. I’d think the bigoted part of our society would likely use this to invalidate everyone who is non-binary.
I’m on blahaj, so I wouldn’t see downvotes anyway (they’re not federated)
I hear you, I guess it’s fair to be wary when it seems like someone is implying enbyphobia, and when I re-read my comment I can see that possibility more clearly (which is part of why I felt it was good to delete my comment - it wasn’t really contributing much anyway).
I think from my end it felt so out of left field and unnecessary, what makes it feel like bad faith is how aggressive it felt, and how disconnected it felt from my original comments.
I really dislike when the trans community attacks itself as if this is all a zero sum game; on the one hand it feels like “transmedicalists” want to claim that healthcare will be taken away from people who have dysphoria and need medical transition if we open the gate to enbies or other gender diverse people, and on the other side it feels sometimes like binary trans identity is increasingly viewed with suspicion and treated as a kind of betrayal of a subversive, beyond-the-binary trans identity (as if being non-binary is the ideal response to transphobia, and not just a natural category). On the one hand is respectability politics, and on the other hand is counter-cultural separatism. Both can be bad, and neither are necessary.
In the end I don’t think passing trans people being more acceptable actually invalidates non-binary identity, that validation won’t change the fact those bigots are going to reject non-binary identities that are non-conforming … that is, the blame really belongs on the bigots and their bigotry, not on the trans people who receive less hate for being more conformist.
All this to be said, yeah, I dunno - feeling a bit alienated rn - maybe I should just take a break until I’m not sick with the flu and my brain isn’t mush … that would probably help me write things that don’t make people so upset.
Huh, wasn’t aware, good to know.
Well, you’ve definitely thought about all that for way more than I have, I’m still pretty new to this journey. I do feel a strong desire to pass at some point, but I’m not sure what to make of it at this time.
That’s something we can absolutely agree on and shouldn’t forget. We are in this together.
I hope you get well soon and wish you the best. And if you’d like, I’ll leave you a virtual hug 🫂.