Recently I’m thinking I may be demisexual too. Kinda like a double-demi/ace hybrid. I like the idea of sex, but it would have to be a very special person. But I don’t have much drive to try for it, it’s just not that important to me. I mean we’re already in the ace spectrum anyway, so maybe that’s redundant.
Still trying to nail down what labels I’m comfortable with. Probably will always be a little wiggle room to change as time goes by.
Yeah, we’re demi in many ways, including demisexual. After much experience with this kind of thing we learned that rushing in to things, even with a desire for things do things doesn’t work for us, and really knowing a person is important, so we won’t do anything sexual or romantic with someone until we have gotten to know them quite well.
Sadly too many people expect it or cannot be bothered to wait around, which is why most of our current partners are all some flavour of ace and maybe aro, heh.
It’s also why dating apps etc don’t really work for us as we’re too cautious and want to get to know someone before meeting up, but most people are like “let’s meet up right now” and we aren’t into that. We had someone reject us once because we spent ‘too long’ thinking about if we wanted to meet them, ugh when they hadn’t really put any effort in to get to know us and we had put clearly in our profile that we need a lot of talking to in the app first.
Sigh, mainstream dating culture is awful. We would rather just date friends.
Not exactly sure who “we” is exactly, but I’m proceeding with the assumption you meant it collectively for demis.
That describes me pretty well. I’ve never even come close to a dating app, but I thought it was a leftover legacy boomer trait of mine at the time (“the time” in this case meaning before I knew I was demi. Before I knew that was a thing. Also before I realized I wasn’t “normal” at all).
I just felt that that kinda communication couldn’t possibly be accomplished via what was basically just texting, or at least not to my satisfaction. I’ve always felt much more ability to fall in love via traditional (aka in person) means. But that ability has a lot more stipulations on it than I realized at the time.
I actually didn’t know or identify as such until this year. As I started seeing posts about pride coming up, I wondered about the (what I now know is called) inclusivity flags (with and without intersex). I was familiar with most of the main flags, but kept seeing more I didn’t even know about, and finally came across the demi flags. So since I was already learning about other identities and orientations, I read about that, and my spidey sense tingled.
I don’t know if there’s a demi version of the idea, but a trans would call it an egg cracking. I actually don’t know if any others have a version of it, but I really think so if them should. Either way, you know what I mean. I’m rambling now anyway lol.
Fair enough. I’ve only really had much discussion about a lot of this stuff with a trans sibling. I’ve learned a lot from him. His coming out was one of the last big (sorry to use the word again but I’ve been using this metaphor already) cracks in the glass dome or sphere or snow globe or whatever in the ceiling of my old beliefs before it shattered, allowing me to become atheist, liberal/leftist, queer-friendly, you know, just a much better person overall.
So I heard it first from him and haven’t really discussed it (aka egg cracking) in any other context.
So now I have another phrase for it at my disposal.
In other news, after looking at the profile I both understand more and have more questions.
And given the request to ask instead of assume, I would like to do so.
First, from what I can gather the use of we seems to come from identifying with a group that identifies as a community.
So first question is, is that correct, and if so what community/communities?
Scratch that, the previous app I was using didn’t show the word plural as a link, and now that I’m trying another one I see it. Nvm
And secondly, I definitely gotta ask about what you mean about the not human thing.
You can roll your eyes at me and leave me on read if you want though lol. No pressure.
For a long time we have not felt comfortable with the label “human”, just like being transgender and being misgendered, being misspecied causes us a lot of dysphoria. We have quite a few friends offline and online like this too, so it’s not just us, and it isn’t mental illness that causes it (though even if it were it would still be valid/legitimate). It’s just merely we don’t feel much connection with humanity as a thing we are and are absolutely working towards both transgender and transspecies transition.
Despite what the slippery slopers will tell you, it’s not dangerous and doesn’t harm anyone, indeed there’s been many who have come before who have purused such things, and it has a long history, we aren’t a danger to ourselves or others as long as we’re respected for who and what we are then we’re fine.
Sadly a lot of lemmy cannot fathom anything outside of their worldview and has a baseline that says everyone is human and a singlet, so it’s challenging sometimes, but we are what we are, their disapproval, cruetly, and mocking doesn’t stop that.
Thank you fellow demiromantic.
There are dozens of us.
Recently I’m thinking I may be demisexual too. Kinda like a double-demi/ace hybrid. I like the idea of sex, but it would have to be a very special person. But I don’t have much drive to try for it, it’s just not that important to me. I mean we’re already in the ace spectrum anyway, so maybe that’s redundant.
Still trying to nail down what labels I’m comfortable with. Probably will always be a little wiggle room to change as time goes by.
Yeah, we’re demi in many ways, including demisexual. After much experience with this kind of thing we learned that rushing in to things, even with a desire for things do things doesn’t work for us, and really knowing a person is important, so we won’t do anything sexual or romantic with someone until we have gotten to know them quite well.
Sadly too many people expect it or cannot be bothered to wait around, which is why most of our current partners are all some flavour of ace and maybe aro, heh.
It’s also why dating apps etc don’t really work for us as we’re too cautious and want to get to know someone before meeting up, but most people are like “let’s meet up right now” and we aren’t into that. We had someone reject us once because we spent ‘too long’ thinking about if we wanted to meet them, ugh when they hadn’t really put any effort in to get to know us and we had put clearly in our profile that we need a lot of talking to in the app first.
Sigh, mainstream dating culture is awful. We would rather just date friends.
Not exactly sure who “we” is exactly, but I’m proceeding with the assumption you meant it collectively for demis.
That describes me pretty well. I’ve never even come close to a dating app, but I thought it was a leftover legacy boomer trait of mine at the time (“the time” in this case meaning before I knew I was demi. Before I knew that was a thing. Also before I realized I wasn’t “normal” at all).
I just felt that that kinda communication couldn’t possibly be accomplished via what was basically just texting, or at least not to my satisfaction. I’ve always felt much more ability to fall in love via traditional (aka in person) means. But that ability has a lot more stipulations on it than I realized at the time.
I actually didn’t know or identify as such until this year. As I started seeing posts about pride coming up, I wondered about the (what I now know is called) inclusivity flags (with and without intersex). I was familiar with most of the main flags, but kept seeing more I didn’t even know about, and finally came across the demi flags. So since I was already learning about other identities and orientations, I read about that, and my spidey sense tingled.
I don’t know if there’s a demi version of the idea, but a trans would call it an egg cracking. I actually don’t know if any others have a version of it, but I really think so if them should. Either way, you know what I mean. I’m rambling now anyway lol.
This is easy to figure out by looking in our profile 🙂.
Yeah it took us a while to figure out we were demi but when we did it was really obvious looking back at our life.
Egg cracking can refer to more than just being trans, so if it works for you then go for it!
I’ve only heard it used for them. I guess I just assumed it was theirs lol.
No, it’s not ours, gay people etc have used it too.
Fair enough. I’ve only really had much discussion about a lot of this stuff with a trans sibling. I’ve learned a lot from him. His coming out was one of the last big (sorry to use the word again but I’ve been using this metaphor already) cracks in the glass dome or sphere or snow globe or whatever in the ceiling of my old beliefs before it shattered, allowing me to become atheist, liberal/leftist, queer-friendly, you know, just a much better person overall.
So I heard it first from him and haven’t really discussed it (aka egg cracking) in any other context.
So now I have another phrase for it at my disposal.
In other news, after looking at the profile I both understand more and have more questions.
And given the request to ask instead of assume, I would like to do so.
First, from what I can gather the use of we seems to come from identifying with a group that identifies as a community.
So first question is, is that correct, and if so what community/communities?
Scratch that, the previous app I was using didn’t show the word plural as a link, and now that I’m trying another one I see it. Nvm
And secondly, I definitely gotta ask about what you mean about the not human thing.
You can roll your eyes at me and leave me on read if you want though lol. No pressure.
Glad we could help and glad you have a good borther who helped you 🙂.
If you want to know more about plurality we have more links should that help.
Oh, well, you know how there’s transgender, well some people also identify as other things too like otherkin, alterhuman/alterbeing, therian, or transspecies.
For a long time we have not felt comfortable with the label “human”, just like being transgender and being misgendered, being misspecied causes us a lot of dysphoria. We have quite a few friends offline and online like this too, so it’s not just us, and it isn’t mental illness that causes it (though even if it were it would still be valid/legitimate). It’s just merely we don’t feel much connection with humanity as a thing we are and are absolutely working towards both transgender and transspecies transition.
Despite what the slippery slopers will tell you, it’s not dangerous and doesn’t harm anyone, indeed there’s been many who have come before who have purused such things, and it has a long history, we aren’t a danger to ourselves or others as long as we’re respected for who and what we are then we’re fine.
Sadly a lot of lemmy cannot fathom anything outside of their worldview and has a baseline that says everyone is human and a singlet, so it’s challenging sometimes, but we are what we are, their disapproval, cruetly, and mocking doesn’t stop that.
Hope that helps!