Yuuup, I really don’t think my traumas made me “stronger” or “thick-skinned”, but instead I feel like I’m even more fragile than before, sensitive and still just as easy to cry.

Now I struggle to talk or hold conversations because I get exhausted from thinking up of response options and picking the most appropriate ones for the context and gauge the level of sharing to give in personal responses, usually by then there’s already a shift to a different topic or interest, and then my process resets.

It’s hard since letting my mouth run has gotten me into a lot of trouble/getting bullied and sometimes, hurt people.

Then there’s the fun part where since I’m accustomed to unsafe situations/interactions, my nervous system sends signals that I’m unsafe when I’m in safe situations/interactions and I… kinda just lock up since my experiences with feelings of safety is that it’s usually short-lived and something bad is going to drop and I gotta prepare somehow

Yum, chikin nuggets 😋

Also that’s the best car to pull up to a drive-thru in!

That’s good to hear, it definitely feels like my presentation does differ exactly like that- depends on the mood/day/circumstance.

That’s fair- I am slowly building a healthier way to be more aware of when I’m in either side of talking, but it is reassuring to see other peoples experiences as well

Not officially, but I’m diagnosed ADHD and for now, self-diagnosed autistic

I managed to finally save up enough money to put myself on a waitlist to get called to setup an appointment to start my autism assessment in several months from now, so…yay?

So much yes

Is it weird that I kinda have both?

I got diagnosed with ADHD at 25 , and I’ve been like 90% quiet most of my adult life. However I recall every now and then when a memory hits, I used to be suuuper energetic, talkative and all over the place overall as a kid.

Since my family thought that getting me mental help = being put into an asylum for life, I never got assessed and was instead chastised/shamed into not talking (and in parallel the regular kids would mock and tease in the school system) so I’ve sorta just got quiet which just got me more inwardly chaotic

Ahhh, this hits right in the soul!

I usually try to reply within the same week, otherwise I feel that shame spiral HARD

Don’t worry, they have BRAND NEW PACKAGING to try and distract you while a few (or dozen) grams get shaved off the total weight posted

Simply Divine!

In my experience, all the places that I’ve been to that aren’t cash-only accept Interac (or just debit), both large and small businesses that sometimes don’t have the Interac sticker. It could be my luck, but I’ve yet to find one that has a card terminal and doesn’t do Interac.

Speed bumps are definitely a no-go on Parkside. The emergency services (at least Toronto Fire) takes issue with speed bumps slowing down response times, and the TTC is also a big opponent to speed bumps being put up on their bus routes which the 80 Queensway operates down it.

There was a plan in the works to narrow the street to 2-3 lanes which would force traffic to slow down, especially if the lanes are narrower too, with bike lanes also coming in. It’s too bad the changes are dead since the Supreme Mayor of Toronto made legislative changes that effectively killed the major changes to the street

There’s also the access to help which if there is a lot of intense and specialized help needed, tends to come at a cost in both monetary and time aspects. Some people that need the most help can be the least likely to be able to afford those therapy sessions (even at a sliding scale) and in my experience looking for help, the availability of those specialists are limited to like a 10-5, weekday schedule too.

I’m not trying to excuse the attitude, but the serious, intensive help isn’t quite something you can get by from using a “budget”-oriented therapy service or from student therapists, and depending on the severity of the problem, some may require a minimum of weekly visits or visiting multiple times a week.

In my case of finding a trauma-informed therapist, it would cost me well over $1k/month to deal with my issues. So I just keep my mouth shut and try to leave out talking about my problems to my friends until I can afford to start my sessions.